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DER GROSSE KOENIG SENDET MICH...
Georges: Smoke break.
Theophanes: The Swedish Ambassador!
Georges: What"s the matter, Fedya?
Theophanes: Oi! Ha-ha-ha! The Swedish Ambassador wants to have an audience with the Tsar!
Georges: Let the Citizen Ambassador in! (to Bunsha) Make a scowl!
Swedish Ambassador (in very broken German): Der grosse Koenig des schwedischen Koenigreiches sendet mich, Seinen treuen Diener, zu Ihnen, Zar und Veliky Knese (Grossfuerst) Iwan Wassiljewitch von ganz Russland ... (The great king of the Swedish kingdom sends me, his faithful servant, to you, Tsar and Grand Prince of All-Russia Ivan Vasilyevich ...)
Georges: The Intourist (foreign tourist) is speaking very well!
Bunsha: What has he said?
Georges: The deuce knows! Dear Fedya, we need an interpreter badly!
Theophanes: There was one, a German. He was supposed to interprete, but he was drunk and could not say a word. We cooked him in the boiling water.
Georges: You ought not to behave like that with the interpreters.
Swedish Ambassador: ... die schwedische Armee erobert hat ... (... the Swedish Army had been occupying before...)
Georges: Reply to him something. Don"t you see him kicking his arse?
Bunsha: Hitler kaputt!
Georges: Please, continue, Mr. Ambassador. Do us a favour. All right!
Swedish Ambassador: Den Amtbezirk Kem` ... (The district of Kem`...).
Georges: Right, all right! Well!
Bunsha: (to Theophanes) I say, comrade! Comrade, may I ask your attention, please! I`d like to know in outline, at the least, what he really wants.
Theophanes: That's obvious! They demand the district of Kem`, they say they"d got it before.
Bunsha: (to the Swedish Ambassador) What, what? The district of Kem`?
Swedish Ambassador: O ja-ja! Den Amtbezirk Kem. Ja! Ja! (Oh, yes-yes! The district of Kem`, yes ..)
Bunsha: Take it! A mere nothing, my God!
Theophanes: But how is that, my Lord?
Bunsha: The Tsar knows what he does. (to the Swedish Ambassador) That won"t make our state poorer. Take it, take it! I do insist ...
Georges: Order not to have me executed, Father Tsar, but permit me to talk! (in an angry whisper) What are you doing, son of a bitch, stop squandering our lands! We`ll never have enough of our districts!
Swedish Ambassador: What should I say to my king?
Georges: Say `Hello!`to him and give my flaming regards.
Swedish Ambassador: What about the district?
Georges: Such problems, dear Mr. Ambassador, can"t be solved straight away. We are to consult the comrades. Drop in some day later. By the way, here is a small souvenir for you, personally from me.
Swedish Ambassador: Oh!
Georges: Keep it! Well then! Auf Wiedersehen! Good bye! Au Revoir! To be short: `Ciao!` (to the dignitaries) Everyone is dismissed! The convoy too! The convoy can go! (to appreciably concerned Theophanes) What are you looking for?
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Theophanes: The ambassador has lost his medal!
Georges: One ought not to be so absent-minded! One ought to take care of his belongings. Why are you staring at me like that? Do you think it`s me who took it?
Theophanes: But no!
Georges (to Bunsha): Hadn"t it to be you? What if it has by chance rolled down under the throne? Nope! What can't be cured must be endured!
Theophanes: What a misfortune!
Bunsha: I have some vague suspicions about you, Sir. First Mr. Spak`s tape recorder, now the Ambassador`s medallion ...
Georges: What do you mean by that? May I ask you, you Royal mug, what do you mean?
Theophanes: The Tatar Prince Yedigei wants to have an audience with the Tsar!
Georges: No! This time enough with audiences! The audiences are over. It"s time for the eats!
Theophanes: The Tsar wishes to dine!
THE END
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